Designing Your Polyamorous Structure: A Step-by-Step Workbook

Many polyamorous people never deliberately choose a relationship structure — they fall into one by default, often shaped by the first relationship that opened up. The result is sometimes a good fit; often it is a source of ongoing tension that's hard to name because the structure itself is invisible. Making the structure visible, evaluating it honestly, and — if needed — renegotiating it is exactly the work this workbook is built for. By the end of this course you will be able to map your current relationship network, identify the structural model it most closely resembles, surface any misalignments between your stated values and your actual structure, and use concrete negotiation tools to propose and agree on structural changes with the people involved. What you will learn: - How to draw and analyze your current polycule map, including informal hierarchies that haven't been named - Worksheets for identifying your own structural preferences across five key dimensions: integration, hierarchy, time allocation, metamour contact, and shared decision-making - A step-by-step process for opening a structural renegotiation conversation — how to frame it, what to listen for, and how to handle disagreement - Templates for documenting agreed structural principles without over-legalizing relationships - Exercises for identifying and addressing couple privilege within an existing structure - How to handle structural transitions — adding a new partner, one relationship deepening unexpectedly, a partner's needs changing — without destabilizing others - Checklists for common structural friction points and how to diagnose their source - Self-assessment tools for revisiting structure periodically rather than waiting for a crisis The course proceeds as a series of working sessions, each focused on one structural dimension. You complete worksheets for your actual relationships — not hypothetical ones. Reflection prompts help surface emotional reactions to structural questions that often get avoided. Case analyses show how other people have navigated structural renegotiation. The materials are designed to be returned to as your network evolves; this is a workbook, not a one-time read. This course is designed for people currently in or actively building polyamorous relationships who want to move from implicit to explicit structural agreements. It is also suitable for relationship coaches or counselors working with polyamorous clients. No prior background in relationship design methodology is required. You will finish with a completed structural map of your current relationships and a set of practical tools for maintaining or renegotiating it going forward.